The Fourth Grade Plan

TRUSTING GOD EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE OUT OF OUR CONTROL

Dear Parent,

While I hope this book is a fun and encouraging read for your child(ren), I more so hope that it opens doors for conversations and guides your family as you, or someone you may know, is walking through similar situations. God created every family different and every person unique. The characters and the storyline of this book are not meant to serve as a step-by-step guide, but rather a picture of a family healthily processing through the brokenness of the world we live in.

I believe that God has designed us as parents to be the spiritual leaders for our child(ren). However, processing through heavy and weighty circumstances is often difficult for us as adults, not to mention trying to help our child(ren) walk through such things. As a parent myself, I often feel that I don’t have adequate words or maybe even the energy to enter in, and therefore I can easily avoid the difficult topics and hope for the best. Our child(ren) needs more than this though.

As the parent or caregiver for your child(ren), God has equipped you to lead. This doesn’t mean that you have to know all the answers or be a licensed therapist, it simply means you have to be available and willing to step into the mess. We, as adults, have to enter in, and walk alongside our child(ren) no matter where they are developmentally or spiritually. 

I absolutely believe the local church is meant to be a support system for families and I wholeheartedly believe in therapy. Both are meant to assist and encourage you and your family as you lead your child(ren) to know God more. I do not believe we can rely on them to fix the problem or solely help our children get past whatever circumstances they are facing. Our children need us.

My prayer for this book is that God will reveal ways that He is with you and working in your circumstances even amid what may feel unimaginable.

You can read this book together with your child(ren) or you can each read it individually. After each chapter, I would encourage you to process through what you are hearing from God both individually AND together. I would encourage you to enter in and trust God’s work as He desires a relationship with each of us and restoration for our broken world.

A fellow parent without all the answers,

Katie

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Chapter 1-

THOUGHTS FOR ADULTS:

  • What does it look like to be fully available for your child while they are processing hard or unexpected news?

GOING DEEPER:

  • Read the following verses together:

    • “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

      • In Proverbs 3, we are told to submit to the Lord. What does it mean to submit? What are things that are hard to submit or let go of control of in your life?

    • “Those who know your name and trust in you, for you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10

      • In Psalm 9, we are reminded that God has never forsaken those who seek Him. What does it mean to seek God?

      • What does forsake mean? Look up the definition together and talk about it. Have you ever felt forsaken? In what ways? How did it make you feel?

Chapter 2-

THOUGHTS FOR ADULTS:

  • Do you personally believe that because of what Jesus has done, you are free from the control of sin? Do you believe that giving God control of your life and its outcomes will give you freedom? How do you live that out and model it for your children?

GOING DEEPER:

  • Read the following verses together:

    • “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life, has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2

    • “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-” Ephesians 2:8

    • “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

      • God loves us and it doesn’t matter how “good” we are or how much we do, He still loves us the same. How does this make you feel? Do you believe it?

    • “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:13-14

      • According to Colossians 1, what has God done for us? Do you believe it matters in your daily life?

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Chapter 3-

THOUGHTS FOR ADULTS:

  • What area(s) of your life (kids, spouse, extended family/friend relationships, work, choices of how you spend time/finances/gifts) do you struggle to submit to God’s authority? How can you practice submitting control in new ways, in the coming days? How can you help your child practice giving God control? How can you model this practice?

GOING DEEPER:

  • Read the following verses together:

    • “Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from the land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it is you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”” Matthew 14:22-33

      • Peter was able to do what seemed impossible when he trusted God. Are there things in your life right now that feel impossible? What would it look like for you to trust God in those circumstances?

      • When Peter began to sink, it says that Jesus immediately reached out and caught him.

      • Do you believe God is there waiting to help you in difficult situations? What makes you hesitate to turn to him?

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Chapter 4-

THOUGHTS FOR ADULTS:

  • What would it look like to give your kids space to process hard things in their own way? How can you provide activities, counseling, or supplies for this processing to happen? How can you “be there” for them without being pushy? Writing, a video journal, creating music, and exercise are examples of outlets that may help your child process their feelings. 

  • Try talking with your kids while using the rule of thirds. This means the first thing a conversation needs is people, the second thing is a topic to talk about, and the third thing is something to keep your bodies busy. It could be going for a walk, going for a bike ride, playing with legos, eating a snack, building something together, etc. Sitting quietly and talking can naturally feel intimidating for children so find an activity to do together that allows for conversation without it feeling as focused. 

GOING DEEPER:

  • Read the following verses together:

    • “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

      • Do you feel like God is an ever-present help? Why or why not?

    • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

      • When facing something difficult, do you tend to turn to God in prayer?

      • Have you ever felt the kind of peace that is described in this verse? When?

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Chapter 5-

THOUGHTS FOR ADULTS:

  • Have you faced any challenging moments with your kids while navigating your divorce(or the divorce of someone they know)? Is there anything  you could do right now that would help you going forward?

  • Just like adults, it will take kids time to process hard things. Your kids will likely be up and down, angry, and then happy, crying and then laughing all in a day’s time. What does it look like to accept how they are feeling, but also point them towards God? Set some reminders in your calendar to continue these conversations. Maybe it’s needed once a week at first and then maybe once a month. My hope would be that these conversations would not end with the assumption that everything is now fine. Instead, I would pray that they would pave the way for a deeper and more meaningful relationship where all topics are on the table and doubt, worry, fear, excitement, and joy can all be easily discussed.

GOING DEEPER:

  • Read the following verses together:

    • “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15

      • How do you let the peace of Christ rule in your heart?

    • “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3

    • “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

      • In what ways have you experienced God’s perfect peace?