The Practice of the Nots

Spiritual practices tend to highlight things you're supposed to do: read your Bible, pray, journal, serve, and give generously, to name a few. These are all great and needed actions that align our hearts and minds while focusing on Christ. Each traditional response requires us to say, "Yes, I will do this," and get moving. We're often led to believe that our answer should always be YES when it comes to our faith. But, what if our willingness to say NO possesses the capacity to also fuel our intimacy with God and the transformation of our souls? 

We want to introduce you to "The Practice of Not's." These practices force us to stop, slow everything down, and ponder. See what kinds of stories and emotions emerge when our typical patterns and tendencies encounter resistance. A battle occurs as we reflect on the WHY: why do we respond or think this way? Why do we justify our actions or words? Engaging in the Practice of Not's helps us understand our heart's true affections and longings. We create a void by deliberately saying NO or refusing to do things we're naturally inclined to do. It's in that space that we allow something else to rise and fill it. God's presence and grace meet us there. 

The Practice of NOT WANTING (Contentment)

How do you not want what you want? On top of being a tongue twister, it also seems like an impossible task. Living in a culture that fuels itself on envy, greed, selfishness, and gluttony, we rarely consider the need to pay attention to our desires. Instead, we allow our wants to remain unchecked, and, by default, we live at the mercy of what we feel. The push to feed our desires leaves us relentlessly chasing after satisfaction and peace that always seems just out of reach. We can’t connect with others when we compete with them or covet what they have. When is enough...enough? This practice aims to be aggressive in testing our desires by stopping and not wanting anything else or anything more. By saying NO MORE, we feel our restlessness begin to dissipate as our ambition takes a break, and in this place, we find contentment. 

The Practice of NOT DEMANDING (Humility)

We know demanding people, but we are not one of them, or so we think. Yet, subtly demanding our way is part of human nature; it's in all of us. We arrange our circumstances, plead our case, and hedge our bets with the sole focus of getting what we want when we want it. If we stop, say no to demanding, and consider our requests, what we find buried deep below is a mountain of expectations filled with lists of what we think should happen. As we pause and explore more in-depth, we locate where we've achieved our way by force or more subtle means of manipulation—using guilt or an economy of scales to justify why we deserve what we received, sometimes even using God to get our way. We also encounter the appeal to indulge. We enjoy taking a break from caring or feeling responsible about the world around us and the people in it. This practice frees us from placing our needs and ways at the center of the universe, creating space to arrange our lives to serve others and work for their wellbeing. Participating in this practice stings because we realize things we'd rather keep in the dark. But, through exposing our demands, we find ourselves laid bare before God, where He meets us with His love and grace. We find humility not because we are trying to be humble but because we are saying no to our demands and giving up the need to be in the center. 

The Practice of NOT HAVING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD (Empathy)

One line too much. One comment too many. One too far. We couldn't help ourselves firing back a response; we just had to have the last word. After all, it was our responsibility to help the other person see the error of their ways. We don't listen to understand; we debate to be declared the victor. A conversation quickly turns into a heated exchange, and eventually, it is an all-out verbal battle of wills. The practice of not having to have the last word frees us from getting stuck in one of the most vicious cycles in our culture. It helps us see that one can win the discussion while losing the relationship and so much more. Countless friendships have dissolved, and hearts hardened because of our inability to zip our lips. Saying no to speaking up doesn't mean that our point is suddenly vindicated or the consequences of the person's ignorance will come pouring on their head like a torrent. The work God does through this practice is far more subversive. We remind ourselves that we don't stand on issues but walk with people. Giving up our need to have the last word is a declaration that we trust God with the other person and recognize that we care more about them than the issue that keeps us divided. Empathy takes root in our hearts. What also emerges is a willingness to see and understand - to listen first and speak later. 

The Practice of NOT SECOND GUESSING (Trust)

What if? Second-guessing isn’t just a nagging nuisance; it is a paralyzer of our faith. We question every decision we make, wondering if we choose wisely. Moving forward is impossible when we constantly find ourselves looking back. Instead of stepping out courageously, we stumble over our feet or, even worse, dig our heels in and refuse to budge due to our indecisiveness. Anxiety rises as the fear of missing out runs roughshod over any joy we had hoped to find. The practice of not second-guessing is a stubborn refusal to give in to all the “what if‘s.” It serves as a decision to embrace the choice we made. We are trusting that we pursued this direction as we were following after God’s heart. It’s an acknowledgment of His presence as well as a declaration of trust that His purposes reside wherever we go.

The Practice of NOT DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE (Enough)

Productivity is a worthwhile venture, and a quality applauded in Scripture. Yet, if we’re not careful, our drive can send us straight off the cliff, noise-diving into the valley of exhaustion and burnout. Our hurried lives rush from one thing to the next. We push the red line out of a sense of stubborn pride and twisted purpose. The demand on our time and the pull of our lives make us feel important. Yet, getting caught up in a rush is disastrous to our souls. We often attach our worth and identity to our contribution and productivity. If choosing not to do something productive makes us uneasy, it reveals that an undercurrent exists that connects our worth with our work. Engaging in this practice reminds us there is only one God, and we are not Him. The weight of the world isn’t on our shoulders. It resides in the One who holds the world as a whole in the palm of His hands. We’re valuable because of who we are, not what we do. We were made by God and for God. In the space created by the absence of our pressure to prove our worth, we remind ourselves that we are enough and that He is enough. 

The Practice of NOT HAVING TO BE SOMEWHERE (Present)

Similar to the practice above, the practice of not having to be somewhere highlights our tendency to rush from one thing to the next. But, while not doing something productive centers on our identity, the practice of not having to be somewhere speaks to how we steward our attention. When we’re divided between a thousand different things, we struggle to invest in the time at hand. We can’t be fully present with a distracted heart. Transformation doesn’t take place in a hurry. Sensing God’s presence becomes challenging if the speed of our days is a blur. It’s not that God isn’t moving; we’ve just often run past Him focused on our agendas, plans, and purposes. Intentionally carving out time to not have to be somewhere provides us with fresh eyes, attentive ears, and an expectant heart. Our souls begin to awaken to the beauty found in being fully present. We can bring our whole self to the moment at hand. 

The Practice of NOT HAVING TO BE SOMEONE (Identity)

Many of us have become experts at image management. In a social media-fueled world, it feels like our lives are constantly on full display. We struggle with the weight of always having to be “on.” We are so many things to so many people that we’ve lost sight of who we indeed are. We’ve exchanged our identity for a carefully crafted brand, and that brand becomes everything. It dictates our choices, shapes our appearance, and influences our words. The perception and expectation of others can send our emotions in a tailspin. The practice of not having to be someone creates a safe space to be who God made us to be. We remind ourselves that we live not for the crowds but an audience of One. We don’t have to make ourselves sick attempting to impress others because our Creator declares us His beloved. Trusting we are fully known and fully loved, we can enter His presence just as we are - the good, the bad, and the ugly. We don’t have to hide our shame or earn His approval. We lay down our brand to embrace our identity in Him.