Dominion
..And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
Insight
I was seventeen when a psychologist told me I had anxiety.
This was back in the mid-nineties, so my recollection of this encounter is kind of vague. But I do remember there was an IQ test with questions about Louis Armstrong and Madame Curie, followed by some sort of Rorschach test. I remember looking at one of the inkblots, answering “butterfly” and being bemused, thinking,”Ha, this is just like it is on TV.”
My meeting with this educational psychologist took place in an office at my high school and was the doing of my senior year English teacher and guidance counselor. It was among a series of things they helped put into place in the pursuit of me getting as many college scholarships as possible, by any legitimate means necessary.
My anxiety has never been what I would call overwhelming. It’s more like a faint whirring in the background of my life. I can tune it out usually. But lately, when I don’t, it morphs into this sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And while some folks’ other shoe is a lightweight flip flop that floats, I’m pretty sure that my other shoe is going to be a steel-toe work boot that could cause a concussion.
The expression “waiting for the other shoe to drop” comes from tenements in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. In these apartments, the bedrooms were located right above and below each other. So, when one person took off a shoe, making a ruckus, the person living below them could hear it, and there was a waiting- a certainty- that another disturbance was sure to follow.
All that to say, my anxiety usually has an origin- a thought, emotion, interaction, or circumstance- that is stressful or worrisome. But instead of leaving that origin fixed in time, I sometimes want to fixate on it and carry it with me into the future. Fortunately, though, there are warning signs for me when this is happening.
For example, this December.
I love Christmas. I love Christmas so much it makes me sick. Literally. Every December, it seems I have some sort of malaise. I get worn down and overwhelmed from all that I am doing and want to do…the parties, the decorating, the cooking, the shopping, the nesting–why is it that once I put up the Christmas tree, I suddenly want to paint the baseboards that I’ve blissfully ignored all year?
This December, in addition to getting sick, I was feeling off at work. Nothing specific, but just the sense that I was going to miss the mark, that one of the details that’s part of my job to keep up with was going to get overlooked despite my best efforts. And then it happened. The other shoe dropped. A mistake I made became memorialized in an email that was sent to like, oh, just a few thousand people. And when I discovered this, I burst into tears at my desk.
I realized then I had a choice. My anxiety could have a field day with this…turning that whirring noise into a debilitating rock concert with falling shoes. I knew what I needed to do. Put it behind me and move on, before my anxiety made me completely inert. Because that’s where my anxiety takes me…to being frozen and feeling helpless and powerless. This stinks, it’s going to keep stinking, and there’s nothing to be done about it.
My anxiety- and my penchant for wanting to escape or avoid- is what led me to my one word for this year.
DOMINION
God is reminding me of this: There are things I have control over and there are things I don’t. I should acknowledge these two camps, know the difference between the two, and act accordingly.
Both require surrender and dependence on Jesus. But in one, I have influence. God has given me authority over the terrain of my life. I’m in charge of my thoughts, actions, and responses, no matter how much my anxiety likes to tell me otherwise. I’m in charge of what things I feed, and which ones I starve.
God has given me agency and autonomy and is calling me to contribute to the good of my own life and to the flourishing of others.
God is calling me to have dominion.
Genesis 1:28 (NIV) says this: Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping that that creeps on earth.”
Us having dominion is a part of God’s design, and has been from the very beginning.
My hope for my word is that it will be a lens to see where I have control, to unfreeze when my anxiety makes me want to wave a white flag. God is asking me to pay attention to my inner workings, for my good and His purposes for me.
Reflection
My one word “Dominion” is not about control, but entering into life’s circumstances with a posture of surrender and dependence on Jesus. What would this look like in the circumstances you are facing?
Prayer
Jesus, thank you for Your promises when I’m mired in circumstances that I can’t control. You give rest, peace, and hope. I pray that You will continually show me, and remind me, when I get overwhelmed, of the things You have given me control over. May I be about my life, grateful for the responsibilities You've asked me to steward, by Your design and for Your purposes. Amen.
Donna Piner, Manager for the office of the Pastor, wrote today’s devotional.