Test Anxiety
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Romans 14:17-18
INSIGHT
I came across an interesting statistic recently. Researchers say that 16 to 20% of all students have high test anxiety. I was one of them. The fear of making a mistake always got the better of me. I worried about having enough time, if all my studying would make a difference, and what would happen if I got a bad grade.
This angst carried over to my driving test, something I failed three times as a teenager. As soon as I gripped the wheel, fear had me in its clutches. The pressure of the driving instructor taking notes beside me made me question my every move. Did I parallel park properly? Am I in my lines? The fear of failure became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sadly, for a long time, I suffered a version of test anxiety when it came to my relationship with God. I believed my behavior determined His approval. This led me to look good on the outside, but being a complete wreck on the inside. Did I act well enough, behave properly, and obey all the rules for God to deem me worthy of His affection and attention?
Eventually, I learned an important lesson: obedience fueled by obligation never leads to freedom; neither does pressure-filed rule-following spark joy. The rules weren't created to make us right, but to expose our need for a Savior. We can’t do it on our own. Each of us incapable of reaching God’s impossible standard of holiness.
Jesus entering our world and dying on a cross to reconcile us to God means there is no test. Christ ripped it up. The pressures off. Our anxiety can lessen as joy and peace rise. Joy is the resulting emotion of being loved by God that fuels our life with God and drives and defines everything else. Our lives lived in obedience serve as an expression of God’s faithfulness and our dependency on Him.
Due to being reconciled with God, we are able to trust His authority. When we recognize this point, we approach God differently. Faith is acting on our trust. We submit our ways to Him because we know that in Him is where the full life our heart’s desire is found. We have the courage to examine our motives and realize that being transparent about its current state is the first step in our transformation.
If we look underneath our actions we find who or what we trust. What we do and what we say proclaims to others our view of God and His authority in our life. A joyful life is a dependent one.
Inheriting the Kingdom of God is not about access, but stewardship. Every action is an expression of something. We want our hearts to be so captured by God’s love that His ways come out in our words, actions, and demeanor. Our job isn’t to obey and worry about the rules, but to be an expression of His Kingdom in the world by responding to every circumstance with joy and peace.
REFLECTION
Every action is an expression of something. If this is true, what are your actions over the past few weeks expressing? How does this expression make you feel?
PRAYER
God, may my life serve as an expression of faith and trust. Give me the courage to look at what drives my actions and my words. Help me to submit my ways to Your own. In Your name, Jesus. Amen.
