“Always Before Me” - Psalm 51 (Day 2)
Yesterday, we began our journey through Psalm 51, looking at an overwhelmed David and his desperate pleas for mercy and forgiveness. His hope resided in knowing God's character - His unfailing love and great compassion. As the sun rose this morning, the same thing that greeted David is what welcomes you and me as the sun rose - new mercies. While we bask in the depths of His love, we gain a greater appreciation of this undeserved mercy when we acknowledge the depth of our struggle and inability to make things right on our own. David does just that in today's passage inside Psalm 51. But, before we begin, I want to provide space for you to consider how you tried to right your wrongs, handle your struggles, and deal with the negative emotions sin brings. Then, I invite you to pray and thank God for covering our sins through the cross.
In yesterday's devotional, we gave a bit of context to Psalm 51 - David's affair with a married woman named Bathsheba, the pregnancy that came from it, and the role David played in murdering her husband to cover up the indiscretion. Then, we spoke of a courageous prophet named Nathan. He confronted David, leading to David's confession and the words we have today. 2 Samuel 11 and 12 contain this whole ordeal, but this is where our modern reading of the Bible potentially causes us to assume events transpired quicker than in reality. Turning the page from one chapter to the next doesn't mean things happened instantly; many months passed between David's sins, his choice to hide them, and Nathan's confrontation, so much so that the baby's birth took place.
With this in mind, take a moment to read Psalm 51:3-9. As you do, pay attention to how David expresses not only the burden he felt from his sin and attempting to manage it on his own, but how an encounter with God’s love cleanses us and makes us whole.
Psalm 51:3-9 says this:
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Take a moment to reflect on what you just read:
How would you describe the restoration and transformation David hoped to experience inside his heart?
"My sin is always before me." Other translations go as far as saying that David's shameful deeds haunted him day and night. The fear of being found out, the continual reminders of his wrongdoings, and the shame of his choices - David carried that with him, the weight of it bearing down on him more and more as each day passed, so much so that it felt like his bones were crushed. He recognized the issue wasn't a single, specific act of disobedience but a sinful nature that resided within him that caused him to settle for lesser things for fulfillment, choose selfishness above all else and drive his words and actions. His actions hurt others greatly and altered the course of people’s lives, yet David felt his greatest transgression was dishonoring and disobeying God. His sin might have been hidden from others, but it was done in front of an ever present, always holy, God.
In short, David was well acquainted with his transgressions. He remembered his sin every time he saw Bathsheba's baby bump and, later on, their child's cry. If someone spoke of Uriah in the past tense, it returned to the forefront and ate away at his conscience. No matter how much he tried, David couldn't flee the constant reminders of his sin and the consequences that came with it. When it comes to our hidden sins and struggles, the ones we keep to ourselves deep inside, we act in much the same way as David. We avoid and attempt to escape it. We numb, medicate, and distract ourselves. We try to ignore it and go about our business. None of these shortsighted tricks work on our regret, shame, grief, and misery - freedom only comes through acknowledgement and confession. Honesty brings healing. Transparency fuels transformation. Admission positions us to be available to receive Christ’s mercy and forgiveness.
Take a moment and consider… How is your sin and struggles influencing you externally (impacting others and influencing your relationships) and internally (influencing your emotions, soul, and connection to God)?
Read today’s passage slowly one more time.
Psalm 51:3-9 says this:
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Pulling weeds, mowing the lawn, or moving soil in your garden. Working up a sweat on a run. Changing the oil in your car or working on a project in your shed. When we feel gross and muddy after these activities, our remedy is to hop in the shower and wash off. Yet, as it relates to our sin and struggles, no matter how hard we scrub, we can't cleanse our conscience or wipe away our mess—all of our attempts only rub the blemishes in and make them more pronounced. If we decide to leave our mess unattended, it continues to reek and only gets dirtier. Part of David's plea in Psalm 51 comes as a request: God, wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. In verse 7, he speaks of God cleansing him with hyssop, an herb that people associated with ritual, spiritual, and medical cleansing in Biblical times, including during the Jewish Passover festivities.
Our efforts in cleaning ourselves up are useless, but the Gospel's beauty is that we're not forever doomed to be a dirty mess because Jesus stepped into our chaos and disarray. Bearing his whole heart gave God's grace and mercy access to every nook and crevice of David's soul. For God's wisdom to make its way to that secret place, the area of our heart we keep off-limits to others and even God Himself, we must approach Him with the same posture.
So, as we begin to wrap up our time together, we want to provide you some space to respond to what we read and maybe to what God is trying to say to you through Psalm 51. First, take a moment to process this question…Where do you feel weighed down and burdened by sin and struggles you keep to yourself? What areas of your life do you struggle to believe God can cleanse you and why?
Another question to consider is this…How can you experience God’s cleansing and renewing work this week through a posture of transparency, vulnerability, and humility?
PRAYER
Father God,
Trying to make up for my mistakes, earn forgiveness, and prove I’m worthy is a messy matter.
The burden of my silent struggles and hidden sin overwhelms me and weighs down.
May I display the courage to stop pretending, quit hiding, and cease justifying my behavior.
Instead, I will bring them to You, fully confident that You will cover them in your grace and mercy. Amen.